This is drastically different from my first flash attempt…. inspired by the movie Show Girls.

I love getting A’s for nonsense.

[clearing throat] Me.

One year ago, Britney Spears was still recovering from a major meltdown and regaining the trust of her fans who were left shaky after her failed attempt at a comeback with the critically acclaimed Blackout album. Moving on to Circus, her sixth studio album, she razzled and dazzled to the best of her ability with safe pop tracks, limited promotion, and a mediocre tour. It was enough to keep the die-hards happy while she received medical attention and a much needed recovery that kept her away from interviews, live broadcasts, and further media scrutiny. With the latest release of “3″, it appears that Spears is ready to take charge as Forbes Magazine’s second most powerful musician.

According to Digital Spy Magazine, “3″ is a “pure pop with a soupçon of controversy” as it flirts with the idea of having a threesome. Sure, Spears has been teasing audiences since her debut in 2000 with sexual hints and mischievous allusions but in this track she spell it out. She even goes on to name “Peter, Paul, and Mary,” which some might think is a biblical reference as she sings, “Living in sin is the new thing.” But Clark Collis of Entertainment Weekly, who sides with the older generation of music fans, points out in a review that it “is an unfortunate [mentioning of the legendary folk group] given the very recent death of Mary Travers.”

The song is a basic hypnotic chant supported by synthesized vocals and the infamous auto-tune technology. Spears’ voice is variably monotone, which extends its shelf-life for intoxicated karaoke worldwide. Her singing is well-harmonized but barely escapes the typical whiny and nasally nursery rhyme motif that has been dominating the pop scene for the past decade with chart toppers such as Kristina Debarge’s “Goodbye,” Rhianna’s “Umbrella” and Spears’ previous single “If You Seek Amy.” Spears does not reinvent the wheel. “The bottom line is this is another irresistibly catchy pop confection that beats out most everything else on pop radio today,” explains Bill Lamb, music editor at About.com.

The lyrics are simple and humorous, with an adult attitude that emerges from Spears’ newly authentic vixen persona. Although it mentions playing “Twister on the floor,” “3″ is not about games. Unlike Slave 4 U and Radar, which left audiences to discover the endless innuendo possibilities, the song is upfront with all puns intended. With an orgasmic moan repeated throughout, the song indicates a new post-pop-tart era that frees Britney Spears from any responsibility as a role model.

Written by Max Martin, who also wrote “Oops… I Did It Again,” the song features a heavy, unapologetic, club anthem that is reminiscent of the work of DJ Luke Skywalker of the early 1990′s. Listeners will hear a futuristic rush of keyboard riffs, combined with inventive drum manipulations and bass syncopation. The song is musically dynamic as the hook, chorus, verse and bridge are each individually supported by their own unique melodies that flow into and from one another. (It is a basic formula for a pop song designed to prolong the life of the Britney Spears brand.) It’s catchy enough to survive public scrutiny and buys Spears time to prepare for her next album release. It is a gear-shifting song for the singer who once used to sing “I’m not a girl, not yet a woman.”

Will people like this new version of BS? So far the track has already shot to number 1 on the Billboard Hot 100, an accomplishment Spears has only done twice before with Baby One More Time and Womanizer. Perhaps that the 27-year-old-mother of two can keep up this momentum while audiences remain hyped about her bounce back from the dark side.

Side Note: The original version of this, before it was edited, was more biased than Dolly Parton judging a wet t-shirt contest.

Now, you may be asking, “Why tweet these things? What is the benefit?” And that answer really depends on the tweeter. For me, I use twitter to network with other people in similar professions, and I also use it discover other bloggers and attract attention to my blog. In addition to tweeting the humorous stuff, I do announce things related to work and school in hopes of connecting with other people in the same fields. This has been a really good way for me to stay current on trends, industry, and competition. It also allows me tell all of my friends something at once as opposed to repeating myself over and over again, beating a dead horse til it’s blue in the face –which is surprisingly great fun (nonmetaphorically).

Because I am so active as a blogger, the idea of micro-blogging (shorter more frequent postings) naturally makes sense, but I still run into many people who think the idea is stupid. Well, it’s not. Anyone who is anyone is doing it… so yeah… take that….. and get jiggy with it. ?

I hate Will Smith.

I am going to try my best, in very few words, to explain how Twitter works and convince you to sign up for an account. It will be the third best thing you do with your life (the first: being a reader of this blog, and the second: voting for Michelle Obama). I know, I know. I am way too conceited and I need to work on that. I had a rough childhood.

No. I didn't.

Ok. So now you kind of get it? (Just nod your head yes… thank you) But you still may be a little hesitant or confused by the lack of options with Twitter. You only have 140 characters without the support of multimedia. That is actually a GREAT thing. Unlike facebook, you don’t have to deal with the numerous postings of photos, videos, new groups and fan pages, and comments on top of comments on top of comments. Facebook is great for more intimate networking with actual friends (because you can navigate through the mess to get to them) but it is not ideal for networking with new people or learning/experiencing new things.

Tweets can come in the form of breaking news, advice, entertainment, etc. It is information that you can use to your benefit. You only follow people who you want information from and it is perfectly normal to follow people who you do not know. Could you imagine the hysteria if you were to friend people on facebook you didn’t know and commented on all of their stuff?

Twitter is not that personal. And for the super paranoid, there is even a feature to lock your updates so that no one can see your tweets without your approval. I prefer to merge the two social sites together by using Twitter’s Facebook App to allow my tweets to post as my facebook status update. So every time I tweet, which is usually by phone, it automatically changes my status on facebook.

I’m sure that some of you still have questions but if you don’t get it by now, I am certain you will after trying it. It’s one of those things you just have to do to get… Like cocaine.

Or Parenthood.

The End.

Sell Out

[Follow Me on Twitter]
[Friend Me on Facebook]

It pains me greatly to admit that the Britney Spears concert was a complete and utter let down. I have never had anyone disappoint me so much and this last Tuesday was possible the worst day of 200FINE.

Allow me to explain with bullet points :)

• She lip synched EVERYTHING.  Even the speaking parts she lip synched.  She thanked Chicago once, but did not engage at all with the audience.
• She had this stupid bored look on her face… I paid 173 dollars for my ticket and you can’t even wink at me?
• The chick is not dancing.  She occasionally marks stuff with her dancers but she spends most of her time walking around, being carried, and doing stripper moves on set parts… The experience was cheapened further because the performance is in the round so there were many times where she couldn’t be seen.  And also, she does half of the choreography on one side AND DOES THE EXACT SAME THING ON THE OTHER.  It’s like she insisted on taking the easy way out.
• I didn’t feel like I was at a circus. At all. Unlike Dream Within A Dream, there was no plot, no story, no theory behind the sequences.
• It was way too sexual, and seeing little kids there was a little disturbing.  The old Britney was playful and used a lot of innuendo in her costumes, this new whore was just down right gross at times in her 6 inch heels that made no sense to those of us who understand her many knee problems. :-/
• She does not perform any of the really good songs like “Gimme More” or “Phonography”.  This made the show very ordinary and the transitions unusually choppy.  Typically Britney has really good song transitions.  This tour is cluttered with stop-n-gos that are unnecessary.
• When the concert was over she ran straight off the stage… As if it were “Quitin’ Time” and she needed to clock out and head home.

Britney, why even bother?  I mean, do you want to persue something else that is more fulfilling… like finger painting? I just don’t get it.  I defended you through the bald head, the two kids, the I-told-you-so divorce with K-FED, and the unexplained arab affairs (which YOU DID NOT explain in that overrated documentary).  Do you not realize that I am a 23 year old grown man with your pictures all over my door?

And to make the entire experience more awkward, the opening act with the Pussycat Dolls had so much tension in the air you could cut it with a butter knife!  Nicole, who is the weirdest woman on earth, was showing out!  She purposefully oversang most of the songs and insisted on making these random sound effects while the other girls were singing.  And I think I am the only person who thinks that Nicole sounds like Ertha Kit when she talks… Apparently, this happened right before they came into chicago:

I am done with concerts.

I don’t know if she is just having too much fun or not taking the meds, but I know that if I don’t get my 108 dollars worth of third row seat entertainment, I will go Barrack in that bitch. I have a can of mase. And I will use it.

All of it.

I am not playing. I have waited a decade to see this hooker perform live.

Look! A real dancer with no kids...

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I love Twitter. I cannot explain why. I love it as much as I love Britney Spears, and for those of you who know me, YOU KNOW that’s an undying affair that needs medical attention.

Now I hate starting fights. I would never in a million years want to start a fight with anyone….. [awkward cough/long silence]

But have you SEEN the new facebook layout? Did you even notice it? Those slick ricks made their layout even more Twitterish so that all of the content on your page and your friends pages look like a micro-blog.

Let us NOT forget how the con-artist formerly known as thefacebook.com tried to rob us of our ownership rights like a Gypsy in a nursery. And I am still trying to get over the fact that I have deactivated my account three times and have NEVER LOST ANY CONTENT?!?!?!?! Isn’t that spooky? It is the only website that stores your information forever….

The Secret Phrase Is:

I have no respect for facebook whatsoever. It is the scum beneath my shoe. Of course it is a powerful tool in connecting with people but I honestly think Twitter is better. If you were a facebook whore like I used to be, Twitter is like paradise. No photos or wall posts to deal with. And definitely no issues with rights and constant layout changes. It is neat and as professional as you want it to be.

If you are new to Twitter, it will be a very unfamiliar process. But soon enough, you will find yourself with new online buddies who share the same interests as you and can also assist you in your quest for information, inspiration, and entertainment. So you heard it hear first, Quintin is on Team Twitter and is pro-choice when is comes to facebook.

Abort That Mess

Siddiqu Muhammad of Chicago Fit 4 Life came to the studio and not only had Elise and I cracking up but gave our listeners some very useful tips about fitness.

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Radio show PR courtesy of Courtney Williams.

Check out the PODCAST on iTUNES.

Subscribe to the BLOG.

Radio show PR courtesy of Courtney Williams.

But there has always been a special place in my heart for Rhianna ever since she asked Mister DJ “pon da replay.”

Here is a list of reasons why I have often fantasized about beating Rhianna in her face:

1. She was in the sequel to “Bring It On”… and had lines… (whose idea was that).
2. She ruined Nike commercials for me.
3. She replaced Christian Milian and stole the song S.O.S. from her.
4. Her head is too small for her body.
5. She talks funny.
6. No one from here home land of Barbados likes her.
7. She cannot give an interview to save her life.
8. She cannot dance… at all…
9. She had the audacity to laugh at Britney Spears during the VMAs.  Even though my baby sucked, Rhianna has NEVER in her life been able to carry on a decent performance.
10. She’s only 20.
11. They are considering her to play a young version of Storm.  Halle Berry was bad enough in that role, why continue that legacy.
12. She made one of my friends cry at the Walgreen on Michigan Avenue… allegedly.
13. I have been told she works for Satan…. If you don’t believe that, go YouTube and search rhianna + satan
14. Her chunky legs are insured for over a million dollars!?!?!?

So you can understand why Chris Brown had to handle his business on that girl.  I totally get it.  Chris, this makes us best friends now.  I couldn’t stand you until I heard the good news.  You are my hero and your Super Sweet 18 did not suck as much as I told people.

Sincerely Enjoying the Irony,

Quintin

Disturbia, SOS, and Rehab have new meanings to her.

Quintin: So… What is up?

Dana: Are you okay!?!?!?!?!!?

Quintin: Yes.  Are you… O. K.?

Dana: Are you in your room?

Quintin: Nope.

Dana: I thought you were upset or something. But I think someone just vandalized your door?

Quintin:  I beg your pardon…?

Dana: Someone ripped all of your pictures of your door.

Quintin: >:-((

I had to compose myself.  Initially I felt angry and hurt.  Why would someone do that.  I put myself in a state of disbelief on the way home.  That was until I stepped off the elevator and saw this in front of me:

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For those of you who know me, I am a hardcore non-stop til you drop let me see your bottle pop… (cough) fan… of Britney Spears.  I do think the chick is a little Lupe Fiasco but she has my heart.

I had placed the images on the door as sort of an inside joke.  I found them in my storage unit from a few years ago.  My friend Michelle had given them to me as a gift for my half-birthday and I kept them because it was a very nice gesture.  I’m at a very serious art school… so it was supposed to be a “ha-ha” that’s funny sort of thing… not a “let’s ruin his day” invitation.

My jaw dropped.  I was shocked.  I kept thinking “What did I do to deserve this?” If I wanted to have Britney Spears on my door, isn’t it my American right?  We have a new president initiating a new era of change and yet there are still people who feel the need to inflict pain and sadness on others… who they don’t even know…?

I did some investigating.

It was two white undergraduate females who may or may not have been drunk.  And it happened around 2am.  I am usually awake at that time.  If I had came home early like planned or if I were doing my usual laps of pacing in deep thought around the room, I would have been there to stop them… and I probably would have killed them.  Could you imagine?  Catching someone in the act of disrespecting your property… What do you do in a situation like that?  I am sure that I would have blacked out and the “Phoenix-Quintin” would have taken over.  “This just in… Grad Student murders two innocent white females…”

It took time to recover.

Everyone in the building (My RAs, the Securitas staff, and random strangers who I was surprised to learn enjoyed the door) sent over their condolences. I was very touched.  So I decided to fight fire with fire.

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If you are really that insecure and angry about Britney Spears, it is my greatest pleasure to rub that bitchassness in your face until you die of anxiety attacks.  Not only is the door ridiculous and over the top, I made sure to make it look as annoying and blunt as possible.

I win.

Hardy Har Har,

QX

PS.  Some of you might be thinking that this is going to encourage them to do it again.  I put word out that I am a ruthless killer and would destroy anyone who tries to get between me and my Britney Spears.  Quintin don’t play.  HE DON’T!

We call this Mardis Gras Face