Music mixed by Sadie Woods of White Label DJs Chicago

Abiding by these standards conveys your self-worth and your ability to be happy when you are in a relationship AND when you are single. I’ve highlighted the ones that were personal lessons for me in my last situation.

1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.

2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

3. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be. Slower is better.

4. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

5. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends”. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend. Don’t settle.

6. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

7. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

8. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

9. Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

10. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

11. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

12. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

13. You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.

14. Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are. Even if he has more education or in a better job.

15. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

16. Never borrow someone else’s man.

17. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

18. All men are NOT dogs.

19. You should not be the one doing all the bending. Compromise is two way street.

20. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

21. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary not supplementary.

22. Make him miss you sometimes. When a man always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him – he takes it for granted.

23. Never move into his mother’s house. Never co-sign for a man.

24. You should know that you’re the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he’ll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he’s not the only one. They’re all watching you and you want more .. so you have a lot of choices. Make the right one.

Music courtesy of Sadie Woods (White Label DJs Chicago)

Ten minutes later, I understood Laurence’s choice of words.

Standing a mere 5’7″, Siki loudly made his way into the apartment. He was cheerful, enthusiastic, and loud as hell. As he talked he exuded a level of confidence that I only wished I had myself. The guy was awesome. And so we became…

Best.

Friends.

For Real.

In the weeks that followed, we went out drinking and dancing and harassed strange looking people on the street. We ate at shitty diners and discussed politics and the entertainment industry. I divulged all of my messy stories about my ex and we laughed at all of his horrible pictures. It was great.

And then the worse thing happened.

His Visa expired. He had to go back to London. While New York was a fun getaway for Siki, he had to get back to work. He had an album to promote and music videos to film… etc etc… yada yada. Whenever I reference Siki to people who have never met him, like my therapist, they actually ask if I have made him up. Well, I didn’t. I like to think that I envisioned him and Hurricane Sandy delivered him to me.

His last night in New York, we hung out and ate McDonalds… and had a final duet.

Besides being a great friend Siki is an amazing singer. He just finished his new album titled Equanimity and will be debuting the first music video soon. Check out his music for yourself and LIKE him on facebook!

Haven’t heard Sadie’s work without me and the NDH co-hosts screaming over it? Click Play and check out the articles below!

NYEscapades by S A D I E W O O D S on Mixcloud

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More goodies on Sadie’s Mixcloud!

I like that fresh face feeling when I step out.

My friend, jewelry designer Jennifer Tatum, once mentioned that she and her mother RELIGIOUSLY wash with honey straight from the jar! I didn’t believe her until I googled it and found out that honey is actually a great cleanser especially for the face.

Some of the reasons why it’s ideal include:

• It is naturally anti-bacterial and anti-viral.
• It restores the skin to its appropriate pH level, which gets distorted with all the chemicals we use.
• When honey mixes with water, it creates hydrogen peroxide!
• Because it can be used as an anti-septic, its a great post-shave treatment.
• For those of us with full lips, it keeps them fresh during the winter months.
• It can also be used as a deep scrub and exfoliator.

I use RAW honey which means that it comes straight from the hive with very little processing.  It still contains the pollen, amino acids, minerals, and other nutrients.  Because it isn’t heated, this version of honey is crystallized which means its naturally rough and gritty (hence why its such a great exfoliator).  For even MORE exfoliating power, I’ll add a table spoon of baking soda and a few dabs of lavender.  You can also use things like  a lemon or even a banana peel to intensify the experience, just by smearing it over your face before applying the honey.

I would recommend this as a shower thing (as doing it over the sink gets messy).  I simply apply the honey or honey mixture to my face before getting into the shower, and let the steam  melt most of it off before rinsing.

I glow like a mother fucker.

The negative emotions, which include jealousy, anger, and sadness are usually very heavy. Just think about a time you walked into a room and could feel the tension. It’s thick, out of order, and asymmetrical. So exactly do change feeling like that?

Well, first you have to own a few philosophies that help to redirect your attention where its needed. When you are experiencing negative energy, the solution is easy: make the choice to remove it. It’s easy to say that people or events made you feel bad, but what if you took a more active role in the energy that you allow to flow through you? A very personal example for me was my last relationship. I spent an entire year not feeling great about myself and very apathetic about things I’m passionate about. When the relationship ended, I simply accepted that my partner made me feel that way. But I soon realized that at any point, during that year, I could have easily said “enough” and walked away. He was the source of negativity, and he openly admitted it, and even though it was a rough transition, his departure from my life completely changed everything else. Within a few months I became a completely different person with a new passion for life and a heightened level of spirituality and optimism. This was accomplished by changing my thinking and enforcing strict rules for myself and the people in my life.

As the new year approaches consider these philosophies as an active alternative to staying in a funk.

1. You are in control of your own energy. You’re negative emotions will do a decent job of preventing you from accepting this, and it will seem impossible to cure, but once you own the responsibility of your energy, you’ll naturally be more aware of the items in your life that will distort it.

2. Turn your thoughts into words, with the understanding that those words will soon become actions. Most people refer to this as “speaking into existence” meaning that the things that you want to accomplish are possible if you truly believe them internally.

3. Demand respect and love from those around you. Shower the people in your life with the affection and understanding that you would expect in return. This is a tricky thing to do and takes a lot of effort and self-reflection. A good relationship of any kind (colleagues, friends, family, and romance) is an exchange of positive energy between you and the individual. In the instance where someone is experiencing a low point in their life, and your in a position to help them, their negative energy SHOULD NOT overcome your positivity.

4. Be yourself and don’t apologize for shit. I did not learn this until a few months ago! You should not have to hide any part of your identity to anyone. You shouldn’t have to code switch. You shouldn’t need to be a different person to make other people more comfortable. If this describes you, the change will improve your life drastically.

5. Be grateful and recognize that there is abundance in your life. Instead of living as though there is always something missing, live as though you have too many blessings. Announce what you are happy to have, and pay it forward if possible.

6. Learn about the intentions of the products you consume. This sounds like bullshit, I know. I hate vegan yoga trust fund babies too but this really important. You must live consciously which means that you need to know about the items you purchase and bring into your space. Everything from food, to body care, to clothing and furniture… EVERYTHING has a life and a story and that energy comes to you when you consume it. Essentially, you’re Madonna now.

7. Get a sense of humor and chill the F out. Sometimes we get into situations and we think “Oh my god, call Olivia Pope!” and its not even THAT serious. If you say to yourself “Hey, this is a really unfortunate moment but I’m not going to let it ruin my energy” you’ll be in a better state of mind to handle it affectively and in a timely fashion. This also eliminates any misunderstandings on your part.

8. And finally, accept that life is a journey and NOT A DESTINATION. When you live with the idea that you will only be truly happy once you’ve accomplished or received something, you are not being present. You should be striving to be “truly happy” in the now, grateful for what you have, and patient for the things that you know are too come.

Once you start noticing the shift in your life, you will be thrilled. New people will come into your life and more opportunities will seem to fall right into your lap!

My energy has been so high lately that my arms hurt:

Oh OH OHHHHH! AND MISSY ELLIOT COMES ON AT THE END! YAAAAAAS! #tears

I spent the day writing. The tumultuous summer I had gave birth to some rather astonishing ideas and inspirations for a book and a digital mini-series. Both have taken flight and have come with deadlines and the comforts of pressure and risk. The storytelling lead me down a path of memories as I bring life into characters that the world hasn’t met yet. My Christmas was a day of self-reflection. And now that I am approaching 27.5 (half birthday in January) I am realizing exactly how troubling my twenties have been. It is proving to be a decade of lessons in love, money, and spiritual growth. Let’s review.

1. Lost my virginity at 20.
2. Came out of the closet via mass text message at 21.
3. Got my heartbroken at 22.
4. Started grad school at 23.
5. Got fired from job at 24 and was told that I would have no career.
6. Graduated and moved to New York City at 25 during the bad economy (no friends here, no job, no family)
7. Settled into a committed relationship with a depressive alcoholic at 26.
8. Shaved my head at 27 (drastic but I look aaaaaamazing).

 
In between these significant moments, I started working in TV, made fantastic friends, and had a whole lot of fun dancing… but as I recount the past seven years its obvious that the 20s are surprisingly rough. Django rough.

I think about Britney circa 2007. We seem to have a lot in common although there is a tiny difference in how we showed out. She had an audience of paparazzi to cheer her on as I resolved to twitter and social media saying things that probably didn’t show me in the best light. We both did damage to our bodies, experimented with our appearances, dated the wrong people, and picked up bad habits… all while trying to hide any evidence that something was up. I haven’t been strapped down and carried out of my home in a stretcher, but I have had the feeling of being that helpless and upset when things were not going my way.

(Sounds so immature, when I read that.)

If this is the norm for your 20s then call me average. I’m fully accepting the fact that I am not better than the next 20something with a metaphoric gun to their head. (IE Those moments when you just want to vanish so you deactivate your Facebook account hoping everybody notices.) Wikipedia explains, “People experiencing a quarter life crisis often feel “lost, scared, lonely or confused” about what steps to take in order to transition properly into adulthood.”

I have two and a half years left of this silliness though I’m sure the 30s will bring their own set of challenges. And while I am on the road to success I’ve decided that I am not going to apologize for who I am. I’m a guy who spends too much time looking in the mirror, not obsessing over flaws, but pointing out things that I am really fond of. I use the N word… towards people who aren’t Black. I’m an awkward hugger. I don’t like gospel music and “praise dancing” makes me cringe.

And finally… when people ask me how my Christmas was, I refer them to the following image:

I’m also a guy who laughs at his own jokes. I have a talent for making my stomach hurt.