Berry Chill Is Not For Everyone

I remember going on a friendate with my best friend Anita. For those of you who are new to my blogging and don’t know me, I have a tendency to make up my own words. A “friendate” is what two attractive single friends go on fake date with each other to fill that lonely void of having no romantic prospects.

[Deep Sigh...]

But I digress.

On this friendate, Anita and I went to a movie, and ate at our favorite restaurant Quartino. And we were having so much fun, just laughing and talking and making jokes. We were like two happy pills skipping down the yuppie streets of downtown Chicago. And then, we saw it: GRAND OPENING!

We didn’t ask any questions. Typically my friendates with Anita are never planned out and happen at any given moment. I just randomly get a text or a facebook chat and five minutes to 1 hour later I am having the time of my life. But tonight… a certain place of business had to ruin that Black magic.

We had no idea what were getting into. I assumed it was frozen goodness! At that time, I was a confirmed ice cream addict, maxing out gallons of the stuff weekly while maintaining a slight four pack. “Berry Chill” the name sounded so hip, so now… so cool. And the line was quick AND someone in front of us gave us coupons to try the stuff for free! So it SHOULD have been a win-win.

Nuh-uh.

If you haven’t been to Berry Chill, let me give you a very brief description.

The interior is Michael and Janet Jackson’s SCREAM spaceship kitchen with white people working in it:

Toppings included all types of fruits, typical ice cream topics, and childhood cereals. Which was amazing to see them top on. HOWEVER. The non-dairy soft serve is a completely different story.

I order chocolate Berry Chill with chocolate chips, Cocoa Puffs, and Chocolate Sauce.

Anita ordered vanilla Berry Chill with starfruit, strawberries, and kiwi.

Me and Anita were extremely excited for what we thought was a blessing. We walked down Ohio street toward Michigan when I took my first bite. And then I got silent. Anita, who was struggling through her cup of betrayal started laughing. I took three more spoonfuls to salvage the cereal and chocolate chips. After accidentally putting more of the disgusting bee piss into my mouth, I shoved the cup into a trash can and started walking west again.

“Where are you going?” Anita asked.

“Coldstone!”

It has been several months now since this incident, and obviously people like the stuff if it is still business (especially in this negative degree weather). But damn, Berry Chill is a whole other level of nastiness that I never want to experience ever again.

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