Me Quintin, You Jackass

Everyday, I make it a point to go to a window and stare out into the beautiful concrete jungle of cubic mountains, electric vines, and the endless river of corporate bodies. Neat and orderly, the Chicago skyline is an amazing spectacle but it is merely a pretty picture; an expensive body of work that has flaws buried deep within the canvas fibers.

Chicago keeps its secrets swept loosely under an Indian rug. The rich colors and patterns there to distract, so you do not dare peek underneath. But how much effort does it take to ignore the giant lumps bulging from the floor.

I’ve tripped on this rug too many times. I’m starting to just say things.. aloud…. without considering the consequences.

I was walking around downtown yesterday in my typical winter workout sweats and coat. I approached the edge of the side walk where a stretched-face blond gave me a “your-not-worthy” look, rolled her eyes, and clinched onto her Midwestern hubby (noted by the wedding band and ill-fitting suit pants that were bunching at the bottom of his Steve Madden Impostor Collection Shoes).

I took a moment to understand why she would be so rude. Why would she be that obvious about it? Did she think I was going to mug her?

I examined the couple.

And without dropping a beat, I said, “You two look like siblings. That’s kind of gross.”

Hubby: “Yeah? Well, fuck you!”

Me: “And you’re swingers!? [Vomit Gesture] Tourists…”

And I laughed down the street. I was quite loud as I had Britney booming in my ears, but I could still hear the shocked couple that couldn’t believe I just one upped them like that.

As I walked into my building the security guard asked me what was so funny. I told him and he asked me to explain what a swinger was. I had no response. Someone found a way to shut me up, I couldn’t exactly find the words to describe perverts to a senior citizen. I didn’t want to be disrespectful. I have class. I would never go out of my way to make someone feel awkward or inferior.

It makes you wonder who the real apes are in this Jungle.

Privileged shouldn't be synonymous with inhumane.